The Cultural Importance of Birthdays makes sense... until it doesn't

Happy Birthday! Or is it?

The Historical Roots of Birthdays

For most cultures of the world, birthdays are a staple in one’s life. They mark the milestones of the human experience in their culture. From being able to reach certain developmental markers to reaching legal requirements.

Birthdays started with the Ancient Egyptians and Greeks. The Egyptians would mark the crowning of Pharaoh as a “birth-day,” as that was considered the day he would be “born” as a god. The Greeks would continue the practice of celebrating their gods similarly. The Romans would spread the practice of celebrating ordinary citizens. The rise of individualism in the 18th century and the decline in infant mortality made a child’s birth and each year of continued life something to celebrate.

Reevaluating the Purpose of Celebration

For the past decade or so, due to personal trauma and other circumstances, birthday celebrations haven’t made much sense to me. What are we celebrating? Sure, it makes sense to celebrate children because they are new to the world, reaching milestones every other day. (Although it should be noted that children do not unlock a year’s worth of milestones on their birthday. Nature does not work like that.) Children reach milestones, have long wish lists and plenty of friends and family to celebrate with, and excitement to spare. But at some point these reasons to celebrate disappear in some capacity. Without those developmental milestones, what are you celebrating? You are celebrating another year of life and yourself. This perspective sounds very self-centered, as it is very self-centered. You did not do “any work” on the day you were born. (It should be noted that the act of being born is “traumatic” for the mother and baby. Medical care + recovery time being the purpose of the hospital stay after delivery.) 

Adulthood and the Shift in Milestones

So…. this should really be a celebration for your mother? But many cultures have a specific date to celebrate motherhood. The reality is, after reaching the legal milestones in your culture— the age of majority and the drinking age- you are considered an adult, and there is little reason to celebrate, as you have or you will soon pass many adult milestones such as opening a bank account, getting your first part-time job, and others. Once these milestones are reached, you’ll likely not have a long wishlist of physical gifts for every birthday. For many adults, once you have spending power, you’ll probably buy your wishlist when you need it. Wishlists often go from “wants” to “needs” with a few “wants” still there– blended in with the “needs”. Ask more young adults when they started feeling like an “adult,” and it was not on a given birthday or when the law said so; it was probably when they moved out of their parents’ house. This “milestone” could happen after 18 or into the late twenties or even later, since unlike “kid milestones,” adults move on with life at their own pace without much “intervention” to get them to do things sooner. 

Redefining the Day: Rest and Philanthropy

Unlike in the life of a child, adult life is often a mix of busy and mundane at the same time, working long hours at your job with the same routine. In this pattern of adult life, there’s a different pattern to making and keeping friendships that aren't tied to work or your children’s connections. The standard pattern can allow birthdays to become something else— a self-care or rest day. A day that is ideally taken off from work and spent doing something you want to do that you haven’t had time to do for yourself. I like this idea as most adults from their mid 20s onward are on their own and are probably in good health; if that’s the case, there’s just little reason to think about morality and aging, because those thoughts can lead to reflection, comparison, and birthday blues. If you don’t feel like you need a rest day, then you could start up a birthday fundraiser for someone or something you care about. This draws attention away from you, stops the need for a wishlist, and allows people that care about you to support something you care about.

Ultimately, the celebration or lack of a celebration should be left up to the birthday person, not set by society or loved ones, because regardless of the stage of life, everyone has their own perspective on birthdays and how they’d wish to spend them.